A Tribute to My Nipple Cream, and Its Top 10 Uses (Guest Post)

May 28, 2018

The other day, one of our birth doula clients, Krissy, wrote a HILARIOUS tribute to her nipple cream on Facebook, and we asked her if we could share. Enjoy a little humor, and if you have a use to add to the list (there HAS to be a 10th use out there!), or another product you find just as versatile in life, let us know in the comments!

A Tribute to My Nipple Cream

This shit is my Windex. No, not like I put it on our windows (although they usually look as streaky and bad as if I had), but like the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Here is the non-exhaustive list of crap I’ve used this for...

1. Nipples. Yeah, I do use it for it’s intended purpose and it seemed logical to mention that first.

2. Lube for pumping and to fit my sizers into my Freemies because APPARENTLY I have abnormally small nipples (you’re welcome for that sip from the teat of knowledge). I’m thinking you could use this for any lubrication needs honestly... get your mind out of the gutter, ya pervert. But yeah, I think you could use it for that, too, probably.

3. Lip balm for baby and I - it soaks in and does an awesome job of moisturizing. 

4. Lotion / Moisturizer for baby - used it on his dry skin (even on his face) and even to treat a small touch of cradle cap that he had. 

5. On my nose after a cold to heal up the redness / peeling. Worked pretty fast!

6. On a minor touch of diaper rash (I don’t think it would be as effective if it were severe).

7. On my poor “badly in need of a pedicure” heels with socks.

8. On my legs after the rare and elusive shave that I get these days (usually just the parts that will show in capris because I’m too freaking tired to deal with my entire GD leg).

9. On my hands after cleaning when they get all dried out / my eczema acts up.

10. During animal sacrifice. Just kidding... but I couldn’t think of a 10th use and my obsessive-compulsiveness wouldn’t allow me to leave it at 9.